ā¦or does it? I took a picture of myself this morning and sent it off to my family and a few friends with the caption āToday I begin my camino.ā Before I sent it I sensed that there was something wrong with what Iād written. I began my camino two years ago. To ābeginā today begs the question, Did I āfinishā my camino?
I have read countless memoirs and listened to hundreds of podcasts in the last two years and it seems the consensus is that one is never āfinishedā with the camino. In fact I have come to see that unknowingly I began my camino at my birth and thought of it as simply āliving my lifeā.
Here I am on the train to St. Jean Pied de Port. Itās been a long day but itās really just the latest leg of my Camino. And Iām not alone
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The train is full people and the overhead shelf is packed with backpacks, water bottles, hats, and more. Everything needed to climb the Pyrenees, cross the meseta, and walk into Santiago de Compostela. Even more we bring our minds, hearts, bodies, and souls. We tenderly bring those last things and ask that they be shaped by this part of the Camino.
You all know that yesterday was a difficult day. After a good meal with fellow pilgrims and a good nightās sleep I started out feeling pretty good. We had breakfast together and with a cafe au lait under my belt I was prepared to conquer the day.
I started strong then at about 1/10 a mile I realized I had left my trekking poles behind. So I got to add a few extra steps to my day. I was doing very well as the climbs are more of a gentle slope and there are a few flat parts and even a few down hills. Then I stopped about 1 km before the summit of the Pyrenees. At this point there is a little food truck where I stopped to get a hard boiled egg and a water. After that stop I had a tough climb. It wasnāt so much the climb itself as it was the head wind blowing me backwards.
Thenā¦according to the hand drawn map on the side of the food truck (Iām pretty sure this is copyright free) I was supposed to have 5 km of flat land and then 5 km downhill into Ronceveaux (French) or Roncesvalles (Spanish). For a flat land there were a lot of climbs.
Then I hit my first real challenge. One km uphill with a strong headwind. It didnāt get any better after that. Five km that was supposed to be flat turned out to have several climbs. When I finally got to the descent into Roncesvalles I forgot to take the longer but better paved road. It was brutal. If I ever walk the camino Frances I hope I never make that mistake again.
By the time I dragged myself into town I had to laugh at the hotel reception. He explained that I would need to use my room key to enter the hotel after 11:00 pm. NO PROBLEMO! I went to my room, got cleaned up, did some laundry, got a š· from the bar, and ate the rest of my sandwich from lunch.
Yesterday was my first day walking. I did the upward climb from st. Jean Pied de Port. I donāt know the exact elevation but you can see from this map itās nearly straight up. Only 5 miles but very hard especially when one has not trained.
The bottom is St. Jean Pied de Port and I walked to Orisson. Note the incline.
At one point a woman I was walking with dropped her bottle and water spilled all over the road. I shared mine with her but then later on I ran out and a young man shared his with me.
I didnāt hike with what I called āthe walking woundedā two years ago. We were more like āthe crawling breathlessā. And yet we stuck together and encouraged each other on until finally we rounded a corner and there was the Auberge Orisson.
Refuge Orisson
There were people there waiting to serve us. They showed us to our rooms, gave us our tokens for the shower, and when we ordered food they brought it to us at the beautiful veranda overlooking the valley. We were truly welcomed and made to feel comfortable.
Another interesting note to the dayā¦as I was leaving St. Jean Pied de Port I met 4 Americans starting out on the camino.
Me: Are you American?
Them: Yes
Me: Where are you from
One of them: Ohio
Me: Me too. Which town?
One of them: Dayton
Me: No way! Iām from Dayton
It turns out we all live with 20 miles of each other. Two were from Dayton and the other two were from Montana and Colorado.
So I was going to wax on about whether Iām starting my camino or just continuing my camino from two years ago or whether my Camino started at birth. Then I thoughtā¦who gives a tahoodle about that?
I had a difficult time getting out of the US and my time in England with my friend Viv was cut short as was my time in Paris with my cousin Henriette.
Right now after a 5 1/2 train ride I have arrived in St. Jean Pied de Port in France. Tomorrow I will begin walking the Camino Frances. To carry the last sentiment forwardā¦I am grateful.
I have a bed in a gƮte in a room I share with 6 other people and yet it seems private. We are all women (although it is made clear this is a mixed dormitory) and it seems very cozy.
I am in/near French Basque country. Basque food is amazing! Bonusā¦ I found the basque restaurant Glen and I ate in two years ago. I had an amazing lamb stew with little fried potatoes that seem like puffed up pillows. I must learn how to make them. Or return often to eat them š
Yes thatās rice, the potatoes are out of shot.
The basque cake is similar to the Santiago cake. Itās made with almond flour and has an almond cream filling instead of the Santiago cakeās lemon/orange zest flavoring. I must learn how to make this.
Brefā¦(that means āto get to the pointā because sometimes only the French will do for me)ā¦I am having a very visceral AND spiritual time returning to my past in my present and thoroughly enjoying it.
Yes there is chaos in the world. However on the whole I believe that that chaos is only a small part of the world and we allow it to be amplified. Thatās not to downplay the chaos, but rather to say, look againā¦see the good in the world. And rejoice in it.
I was supposed to leave on my trip on Sunday and was unable to fly because my covid test results came after the 48 hour deadline. I ended up getting 2 covid tests and both are negative. Iām so grateful.
My flight to Washington DC was delayed 2 days in a row which meant that I wouldnāt make my connection to London. I got to spend extra time with my family especially a big cuddle time with our newest grandchild, Teddy. Iām so grateful.
I decided to fly to DC even though I would miss my connection. Itās taking an extra day but I got to spend last night in a very nice hotel. I am grateful.
I arrived at midnight and none of our flightās baggage was coming up on the assigned carousel. I spent an hour trying to find my bag. Finally I saw my bag circling on a carousel that was supposed to have luggage from flights from Nashville and Charlotte. I have my suitcase. I am grateful.
I found a table in a sunny spot to have my breakfast. I am grateful.
If you remember on my first camino I had trouble finding pepper to season my food. I am grateful.
I have a reservation on the shuttle to go to the airport at 2:00 pm and the hotel has told me I can stay in my room until 1:00 pm. Itās a nice room with a pretty view. I am grateful.
Today Iām hopeful that I will fly to England to visit a friend that I met on the camino two years ago. Iāll arrive 4 days late, but I will get to see her. I am grateful.
I have really been out of touch for several months now. The reason is because we have been doing a major renovation in our house. Our home isnāt huge (1700 sq ft) but no room will be untouched by this project. Like almost everything else in my life I try to view it through the lens of the camino. I thought this reno would be a journey. It wasnāt. So here are a few of the differences I noticed.
The camino is all about Walk, Wash, Eat, Sleep.
The renovation is all about Work, Wash, Eat, Sleep.
The camino is meant to be taken at your own pace.
A renovation is constantly constrained by shifting timelines.
On camino oneās mind is relaxed to allow thoughts and meditations to come and go.
A renovation wakes you in the middle of the night with a list of dozens of things that need tending to imminently.
These are just of few of the ways that a camino and a renovation differ. All in all Iād much rather walk the camino than do a renovation. Although I suppose there is one thing about doing a renovation that is better than walking a camino. On a camino you donāt get to use a nail gun š®š
OK, I have hotel & albergue reservations AND no reservations about the camino this year š
Last year at this time despite having had to cancel a trip to see Lady Gaga perform and a trip to Paris and England to visit my cousin and friend from the camino 2019, I was fully confident that this Covid crisis would be over in a few weeks and I would be traveling to Spain to walk the Camino on my own. As you all know from your own disappointments it was not to be.
So this past year became a different kind of camino. I kept the camino alive by cooking the dishes I so enjoyed eating in Spain. I found a good recipe for Santiago cake and to my delight it became a hit with my family and friends. I looked for recipes that mirrored the meals we most enjoyed on the camino…red peppers stuffed with cod, empanadas, tortilla (which is a potato/egg tart). We experimented with Spanish wines and remembered the good times we had at the end of the day sharing a glass with other pilgrims along the way. One thing I do recall about the meals in Spain is that I rarely found pepper on the table and I like a good sprinkling of black pepper on my food. However the pandemic afforded me an opportunity to solve that problem. When we did eat out this past year if I asked for pepper the server would frequently bring a dozen or so packets of pepper. Since I know that these must be thrown away if not used I simply took them home. Now I have my own small stash of pepper.
I listened to a lot of podcasts. I relished in Dave Whitsonās Camino Podcast and Dan Mullinsā My Camino – The Podcast. Dave talks to a lot of professionals who discuss topics like the history of the Camino Frances, the Biblical foundation for the stories of St. James, how to avoid blisters and all are generously sprinkled with with colorful stories experienced along the way. Dan interviews people from all over the world who have walked the camino and share their stories of the experience. I feel close to these people as their stories compare and contrast with my own. Dan also frequently speaks with restaurant and albergue proprietors who tell their stories of how covid has impacted their lives an d business. I feel comforted knowing that my exile from the Camino Frances is shared by those who live there. And I am reminded that that exile is only physical. It does not rob me of my memories and it does not prevent me from continuing a spiritual camino.
Finally I talk about the camino…a lot. OK, really a lot. Yes, people who know me well frequently roll their eyes as they indulge me in yet another comparison of life to the camino. I purchased a stack of cards with this blog address on it and Iām not shy about telling complete strangers about the camino and handing them a card. My husband would say Iām never shy about talking to strangers. A trip to the grocery is often extended by half an hour chatting with people I havenāt seen in a while and others Iāve never met before.
Many if not most stories of pilgrims include the question, āWhat did you do when you finished the camino?ā And the answer is frequently, āWell you never really finish the Camino. It keeps going, doesnāt it?ā Yes it does. The camino has become a part of me in the same way that I am a mother and grandmother (5 little ones now). And just as I yearn to be with them I also yearn to be on camino.
As I continue to prepare for this camino if you have questions please ask them. I may not have the definitive answer, or even the answer that fits best for you, but I can share my own experience.
Whenever I do laundry I invariably think about the young couple who ran the hotel we stayed in in Melide, Spain. They were in their thirties and if they had children I never saw any evidence of it. He welcomed us graciously to the hotel and asked us to sit in the breakfast area while he explained the details of the hotel. While we were talking his wife came out with some drinks and snacks. It was a wonderful experience to be greeted with such hospitality. She took us upstairs to our room and even though she spoke no English and I barely had 50 words in Spanish under my belt she uttered a word that filled me with happiness…lavadoro (washing machine)
Every day on the camino when we arrived at our nightly destination we would wash out our clothes and then shower, put on clean clothes, an go explore the town. But washing oneās clothes in a sink is a bit dicey. Do you have soap? Sometimes the shower will contain a packet about the size of a sugar packet and it will be labeled body wash and shampoo. I donāt want to share my washing up liquids with my t-shirt. Sometimes the sink is a little dodgy. The seal might not be sufficient to keep the water in the sink for washing. And then thereās the question of where to hang the clothes. So when I found out there was a washing machine I was beside myself. I quickly showered and went in search of this magical gift.
I found the washing machine in the courtyard next door to the hotel. And la Senora was there to show me how to use the machine. As I was pulling the dirty clothes out of my bag I pulled out one of Glenās shirts. The sleeve was all wadded up inside of itself. As I was shaking the shirt to turn the sleeve out I saw she was looking at me so I gave out a sigh and said āLos Hombresā. Men! She nodded and said āSi, los hombres.ā It was a moment of connection. Here we were two women and we shared a common understanding about shaking out a wadded up sleeve before washing it.
Hombre who wads up his sleeves and socks
Now this wadded up sleeve is not a rare occurrence. And usually most of the socks are wadded up too. So now every time I encounter this washing irritations I remember la Senora and I think, āLos Hombresā.
Thereās a story that Iāve told to friends about prayer and God and my youngest daughter. It goes something like this…
After giving birth to my two older daughters I had a strong sense that our family was not quite complete. I wanted just one more child. And I had a bit of a deadline. I was in my 30ās and I didnāt want a gap of more than 5 years between my children. I had been trying for 2 years and even though my two girls were 3 and 4 years old it felt like I was running out of time.
My constant prayer was, āGod, I want a baby.ā Thatās it. I figured God already knew the details, I just needed to express the prayer. But after 2 years of telling God I wanted a baby I was starting to get the impression that Godās answer might be ānoā.
I felt that I was being a little greedy to want one more child. I already had two bright beautiful girls. But I knew I was going to be devastated and that my family wouldnāt be complete. Still I had to come to grips with a reality that might not include one more baby. And that was when my prayer changed.
God, you know that I want another baby more than anything. And I know that this might not happen. If this baby is not to be God then I want you to grieve this baby with me.
It was a startling concept to me that God would grieve with me in my sadness. But it was such a strong revelation that I count it among the few definitive things I can say about God without question. God does not leave us alone in our grief. God grieves with us.
Well like all revelations of God over time we tend to forget just how big and enduring those truths are. I have been grieving for nearly a year the loss of walking the Camino de Santiago in 2020. I not only didnāt think God was grieving with me, I was pretty sure that God was punishing me. Maybe I was making the Camino more important than God. I must have made an idol of my walk. I know the Camino has become very central to my life.
I held out hope up until 3 weeks before I was supposed to leave on Camino last year. At that point I had to tell myself I wasnāt going to be able to travel to Europe. I wasnāt going to see my cousins in France and one has died since then of Parkinsonās with complications from Covid. And I was not going to be walking in Spain. So I cancelled my reservations and set my sights on 2021.
My Girls!
Those of you who know me know that I do have 3 daughters. My oldest two were 4 and 5 when our third daughter joined us. My family is complete and still growing with 5 grandchildren to add to the count. The youngest was born just 6 weeks ago.
Do I still want to walk the Camino? More than ever. Will I be disappointed if it doesnāt happen this year? Absolutely!
God, you know that I want to walk the Camino de Santiago again more than anything. And I know that this might not happen. If this Camino is not to be God then I want you to grieve this loss with me.
Buen Camino
Addendum: I just got my first covid vaccination and am scheduled to get the second one on April 1st. Gee I hope that wonāt turn out to be an April Foolās Joke š®
Iām going to walk the Camino de Santiago and today Iām starting my blog about it. Actually I started this blog in my head about six month ago, but today I am finally putting words to paper (screen?).
How did I decide to do this? Most people answer this question by saying they saw the movie The Way and they decided to walk the Camino. Well I saw the movie when it first came out. I though it was a great story, excellent acting, beautiful scenery. I got all the symbolism of the story and it really impacted me. Iāve have recommended The Way many times when someone asks about a good movie. But somehow I missed that the Camino de Santiago was a real thing.
Two years ago I was at a spiritual retreat in Georgia called The Five Day Academy for Spiritual Formation. One of the guys in my covenant group told us he was going to walk the Camino and thatās when I learned it really is a thing people do, but I didnāt think about doing it myself.
The six months ago I was at another spiritual retreat, The Two Year Academy for Spiritual Formation (because five days wasnāt enough). My roommate next door had invited a friend to attend one of the weeks and thatās when I met Sarah. Sarah had walked the Camino and shared with me all about her experience. Over lunch with others the topic of the Camino came up again and a little seed was planted. I spent that whole week asking questions about the camino and that little seed grew.
When I came home I told my husband about the Camino and his response was, āThatās a great idea. We should do that.ā And I thought why doesnāt he ever show that kind of enthusiasm when I suggest couplesā pedicures? So we talked about it. And talked about it. And talked some more about it. Itās all we talked about for two weeks. What would we need? When would we go? How long would it take? How would we manage the time off? It was āall Camino, all the timeā!
The talking eventually slowed down but it never came to a stop. After two months I asked, āAre we really going to do this?ā The answer?
One day I decided to go for a walk... 